With Deepest Sympathy & Heartfelt Condolences to The Family and Friends of the Late
Seah Zhi Wei


In Memory
As I reminisce of times we've shared,
my grief still takes control.
Not a day goes by, I don't pray to die,
to join your departed soul.

You promised me you'd never leave,
that your love would never quit.
We joined our hands, with wedding bands,
now here alone I sit.

Our love so strong and full of life,
now weakness has me bound.
With my soul mate gone, I just can't go on,
no peace is ever found.

But a part of me still wants to live,
my emotion still divides.
How do I begin, to live once again,
when a broken heart resides.

We were closer than any siamese twins,
when we found the Lord that day.
Our spirits were spliced, by the Lord Jesus Christ,
but now you've been taken away.

But the Lord has been speaking to my heart,
that has given me some relief.
I'm still needed below, to let people know,
there's an answer for their grief.

And he's shown me in his very words,
that I soon will see your face.
The day quickly nears, he will dry all my tears,
and my pain will be erased.

So though I miss you dearly my love,
I still have work to do.
My love will not fade, or the vows that I made,
when I gave my heart to you.

Nothing or no one can take your place,
Dear (Enter Name), My Heavenly Mate,
I'll be counting the days, til that symphony plays,
and I see you at Heaven's Gate.

- Timothy Jon Barrett


Although I do not know you but I am sure we have met before in the school. Your death was a great shock to everyone, your family, your friends and me. We all felt pity for you. I pray for eternal peace in your afterlife.

Ouch, my left eye hurts. It seems to have some foreign object under the skin, every time I blink, I can feel it. Tried washing my ball with water but doesn't work. Will let it stay there for a day before I see a doc about it. Who knows? Maybe it will disappear at night after I fall asleep.

A fruitless trip down to Sim Lim Square. All the shops stop selling Cashcard reader even the video stores don't have Rise of the evil: Hitler. I can't spend my holiday without all these stuff, term break over and I were be too busy to get it. sigh.

Went LiFeng's house after this. If you are wondering who's she, she's my friend's cousin. My reputation as a repairman spread wide and far. If you have any broken waterpipe, water tap, floor tiles, etc, give me a call. Ah, ignore all these, I only repair computers. An hour trip to her house from Bugis to Teck Whye. Hey, it's amazing how those LRT works, when the LRT pass through a block of flats, the windows will mist by itself automatically! Holy cow! It's cool! I know this through the newspaper when LRT just started, but never once did I see this technology. I saw it before once, in one of the hotel suite in M Hotel, Singapore, the bathroom is see through from the bed, if you wanna take a shower, just press a button and ta ta, auto mist.

Fixed her computer and 2 hours just went off like this. On the way out of her house, the parents offered me hong bao. Seriously, I don't want any monetary reward for fixing computers, I do it out of my own personal interest. As usual, I declined the offer kindly, but they still manage to stuff it back to me.

Met my dad at Clementi who happen to be there. Got a free ride home.

Feeling bored now. Nothing much to do at home, maybe I sleep early tonight and wake up early tomorrow to get a birthday gift to someone.

I am sick of life.

The term break started today and I am already feeling bored. Not that I misses the school and the busy schedule, but I am aimlessly looking for something to do at home. Some will have mention about Networked Multimedia project, but I just bring myself to start on it. Creating a website isn't something a thrill me, but it is maintaining one that is fun. Vanessa messaged me asking me when is the Psychology presentation, it's 15 of March, seems so far, yet so near. We will be meeting together this week to discuss about it, I hope I can find out with some quality discussion. So many things to complete, yet I am still slacking my life away. I still remember how I rushed my Computer Systems project, 3 persons in the group but only 2 are working hard. I can't believe the other guy in my group give me trash for his part, come on, he is doing 2 parts of the project, while Yasmeen and I are doing 10 or more? In the end, I just takeover his part and put his name there for contribution. I am not so dumb to let him gain his mark effortlessly, I just name him in 1 part of the project. Maybe I can just rush through my Networked Multimedia project? Maybe.

Have a bad sore throat for the past few days. Really spoil my holiday. Should I see a doctor? My self medication doesn't work neither does my 10-15 cups of chinese tea per day works. On a normal day, I can drink up to 9 cups of chinese tea. Started drinking chinese tea after being introduced to it by my sister. It's oonlong (ignore my hopeless hanyupinyin), I still remember telling her it's smell like the old closet of my grandparents. Started to like the taste and soon have a flair for it. I just love teas, english tea, evening tea, jasmine, oonlong, Iron Buddha, etc.

Planned my day tomorrow beforehand. Gonna grab a cashcard reader and a memory card reader from Sim Lim Square before proceeding to Bukit Batok to repair my friend's cousin computer. I think my fame as a computer technican have spreaded like wild fire. My friend recommended me to her, she called me up and we have a chat over the phone on her computer. Going her house in the afternoon after her lesson ends, she's a student in one of the life science course in Nanyang Polytechnic.

I wanted to get a IT qualification as soon as I settle my diploma. I ask my sister how she thing of MCSE (Microsoft Certified System Engineer) and MCSA (Microsoft Certified System Administrator). She said it's quite ok in the IT industry, but she didn't take it as she think it's quite easy and useless. Heck, she's anti microsoft. She got Lotus Notes Administrator certification, Java certification but not this.

I believe there's no prospect in the IT industry in Singapore. The industry is too saturated with IT specialists. What does the market holds for someone like me in the future? I don't hold a diploma that specialize in either business or IT, just a general studies of both. I don't even have relavent experience to start off with. Once you are a specialist in IT, you earns quite alot, just like my sister. My other sisters who are business graduates, don't earn that much as the other. Envy of her, she can afford the fine luxury of life and driving her car. A perfect match with her account controller husband.

Wanted to do so much. The soul is willing yet the flesh is weak.

Went to watch "The Last Samurai" with Ting Ping and Koon Tak yesterday. It's a nice show, especially the last scene, which was quite saddening. After the movie we went for dinner, where we chatted quite alot of stuff. We usually don't talk that much, even on MSN, it's just a little hi and bye. Come to know that one of their friend committed suicide. It's a guy having his O this year. From what I heard, might be relationship problem. I felt sad for the parents, after raising a son for 16 years, he just end his life, I think life is precious and shouldn't be cheapen by comitting suicide. He jumped off his Toa Payoh flat in the morning after messaging his friend that he's gonna jump, the friend called the mother and the mother went to look for him in his room but couldn't find him there. She asked his other son to join her in the hunt, when they went down the flat, there was already police officers at the ground floor, the rest, I leave it to you to figure out.

We window shop around the mall and I find a outstanding white nike t shirt, gonna buy it the next time I visit that shop. Most of the shops closed as it is 10. We proceed to a nearby food court and continue chatting over there. Sigh, misses the days where we were together and crapping like nobody business. Ting Ping get off the train at Simei while Koon Tak and me get off at Paya Lebar, he went to take a bus while my dad came and fetch me.

Played with his handphone, it's kinda fun, LG model. The picture taken by the camera isn't that great compared to Motorola. I would have bought this phone if not for its lack of bluetooth feature.

Quite looking forward to the next meetup with them. :)

No comment on today business accounting paper. JUst hope I can do well and get a pass for it. Today suppose to be a good day for celebration, but an incident dampen the mood. My friend lost her handphone on the bus while we were travelling together to Tampines Mall for lunch.

Today seems to be an unusual day for me. Adeline called me up to chat, something which is totally out of the blue. We chatted about school, her exams, her cca blah blah blah. There's this rat that appeared in my garden, it kinda sick, it doesn't run when I approach and is shivering. I have bad experience with rats, they always appear out of nowhere in my garden and once, a rat entered my house and hide in the storeroom. It refuse to get out and start to dig a hole in the wall. In the end, it escaped from the storeroom. I wanted so badly to set my dog on that rat, afterall, it's a game dog, suppose to chase rats, fox and stuff like this. Decided against the idea as I don't want to clean up a bloody scene.

Went marketing at Cold Storage after the call, grabbed some snacks to last me throughout the week since it's a holiday. On the bus ride home, I shared seat with this female student. She start to switch her position towards me and stare at me once in awhile. It's wierd, I don't know why, don't ask me.

Got a bad headache when I reach home. Must be the weather. Told my dad about that rat, he went to the garden and take a look, it was lying right in front of the door. My dad used a tongs and tried to put that rat inside a plastic bag, but it sort of escaped and rush toward my dad, in slow motion like, my dad used the tongs and knock the rat, it was gross, the whole place filled with blood. yucks.

In a annoyed mood due to my headache, I hate people who ask question that lacks common sense. I blocked this guy from my MSN after messaging me 3-4 times even I told him to stop disturbing me. Cease and desist, stop disturbing me. To those who message me, I am not replying as I am having a bad headache and one reason I not going to sleep as I wanna watch television.

Watched the local production, "Sweet Dreams And Turtle Soup" on Channel 5. It's about how this local girl grow up and her life in secondary school. I wanted to watch "Towards Republic" on Channel 8, a hard decision, but watched channel 5 anyway. One thing I want to point about one part of the scene, she was in the party, the guy she liked didn't turn up and she was drinking vodka without first mixing it with other drink. This is a wrong way to drink vodka, heh. I always like local love story, especially "The Teenager Textbook". I think that book is wonderful, reflecting the true society of singapore not like some western love story. I think the main actress of the show is quite beautiful, she somehow, resembles Ivy Lee.

The scene where her grandmother passed away and she was given a chance to either skip her O's level paper or to take a last look at her is quite saddening. For me, I was not given a last chance to take a last look at my grandmother when she passed away. When she decided to abandon her paper at the last minute, she was too late to take a last look at her. sigh.

Sweet Dreams And Turtle Soup

Sarsi is a 16-year old girl from a poor family who believes life has dealt her an unfair hand and is determined to study hard, get good grades and lead a better life. When she is forced to work in her uncles turtle soup stall after her granny falls ill, she sees it as an obstacle in her pursuit of academic excellence and takes out her frustration on her mother, her best friend and everyone around her. But her perspective on life changes when she runs into an Indonesian maid Adilah.

I am suppose to start my revision on business accounting 2, but just couldn't concentrate on completing at least 1 page of the notes. So find myself typing this blog entry before trying hard to start my revision.

Today micro economics paper was surprisingly easy. Most of the questions were from the demand and supply topics. Just hope thing won't turn up for the worse.

Watched the news, a chicken rice hawker giving free chicken rice for the public. The statement I heard from the interviewees were quite comical, "Actually I am not scare of the bird flu, since there's free chicken rice, why not?" Yeah, you think I will believe?

It's micro economics test tomorrow... at least I did put in some effort in my revision, much better than Business Stats. Perhaps I am just too stressed up over my Business Stats paper, pushing me forward, telling me how bad I will flunk if I don't put in any extra effort.

Going for a movie trip this saturday with Ting Ping and friend. Going to watch "The Last Samurai". Wanted to watch it so badly, but couldn't make it becos of projects and i guide. At least something to relax after tests, before I start to work on my networked multimedia projects.

Been thinking much about life recently. What am I going to be in the next 5 years. People think I am cheerful but the fact is, I am pessimistic. Had a chat with my mom the night before, I know it's wierd, but it was 4 in the morning. We chatted about the family, herself and me. I was the last-ditch effort to carry on the family line, my grandparents kept forcing my parents to have children and more children, my mom gave birth to many daughters, but not a son. I was surprise when my mom told me my grandparents actually wanted another child after I was born. My parents rejected the offer, of course.

I told my mom what if I intend to stay single, she just told me, it's your life, why ask me? I more or less expected this answer, she quite modern in her thinking, giving full autonomous to her children.

How ironical, people in the past desired children, now it is a burden.

Went to school early to study for my business stats. Didn't see much of an improvement. My hands were shaking after the test commenced. The first question have already stuck me dumbfounded, find the relative frequencies. It's a simple question, but I just couldn't retrieve it from my brain.

I think I going to flunk this test badly. I was thinking about it from the way to Tampines Mall from school. My dad wanted me to join him for dinner at Sakai Sushi (heck, forgotten the name). When I tried to call him, think he off his handphone by accident, couldn't get him. Only when I was on my way to food court then he call me.

Dinner was with Nadia, Sharon, Michelle and Faith. I had beef noodles, think the standard dropped quite alot. The gravy isn't sticky, the beef isn't fresh. Just couldn't enjoy that simple bowl of beef noodles.

I am feeling extremely depressed due to my inability to perform well for this test. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything now to amend for my incompetence. Sigh, this is life.

Took my Networked Multimedia paper today. Well, on a scale of 1 to 10, I will rate it at 4 for difficulty. I know I won't flunk this test for nuts, it's just depends on how much I put in for my revision.

Something which I like about the paper, the HTML decoding. You decode the HTML from a given screenshot. It's quite fun actually.

Went for lunch with boss, jesslyn, tian nee and Ivan. The big n' tasty isn't that tasty, kinda plain. Will try quarter pounder next time. yummy.

After sending Ivan home, went to Challenger with intention to get a cashcard reader. ahhh, they run out of stock.

Back at home, wanted to study for business stats, but the fine weather put me off. This is the prefect weather to swim or sleep. My dad will be real happy that I didn't use the air con in the afternoon nowadays. It's so windy that I decided to open the windows and let some fresh air in. I just love the wind, so clam and relaxing.

Slept through the afternoon, just couldn't bring myself to study Business Stats.

Fipped through the notes after dinner, it's so simple but when it comes to applying the formulaes, it simply sucks. The problem with all mathematics subject. I just don't know what formulaes to use when I see the test script.

Guess I will study for 3 hours more before tucking in. Gonna study early in school tomorrow, gonna burn all my mp3s to my CDRW, I couldn't study without my music, especially my classical pieces.

Wish me luck for tomorrow business stats, I just hope I won't fail that badly.

Wanted to study for my business stats, but don't know why, I just feel so weak, I couldn't gather enough strength to bring myself to open the book and start my revision.

I just rest myself comfortable on my bed, with my windows wide open, staring at the whitish blue sky. After the open house, I started to have doubt whether am I in the right course. I guided many visitors to the School of Design, only did I realise that the Diploma in Visual Communication actually offers photography as part of its course. Since young, I have been interested in photography, perhaps influence from my dad. He's a photographer himself during his teens. I always play with his black and white camera. Shorter, I fall asleep and wake up, just in time to type this in my blog.

My dad got a cake for my mom, romantic eh? Inside, there's a message in chinese "Happy Valentine Day". My dad and mom don't really get along well. Mostly it's because of me. My dad is classical dad, a strict disciplinarian, while my mom prefer me to have my own freedom. When I was young, they will always argue and quarrel on how I should be bought up. Since I have grow up, thing started to be better, my dad cares alot for my mom and stuff like this.

Have a wierd dream today. I dreamed that I got debarred from business accounting 2. Damn, it scares the hell out of me.

Abandoned my business stats and start my revision on networked multimedia. Something I hate about IT subjects. It seems so easy but when it come to the exams, it always turn up otherwise. Seriously, there's nothing much I can revise on, frames, tables, bitmap, blah blah blah. I know all this even before I join poly, I just hope the test will be easy tomorrow.

Rushed through my breakfast with Ava and Kat before rushing to the bookshop to get my Business Stats textbook.

Today is quite relaxing, not that I am very free, but I don't have to do cheering. heh. Guided this group from 10am to 2.45pm. wow. It'a a group of indians. Guided them around the whole campus, engineering, design, business, ITAS.

Went for the buffet offered by the Students' Affair Department after the open house ended. Asked a girl to help us took a picture together, expecting it to be in my email either tonight or tomorrow. Somehow, I feeling kinda sad that it has come to an end. Although the experience is not totally pleasant, I still enjoy the hype I shared with my group.

Hope to see them again in school, especially Kat, Ava, Elieen, Guoxing and chunxiong.

Went to get my headphone after that, sadly, the model I wanted to get has sold out. Withdrawn my money prior to this but end up not getting anything. Wanted to deposit back to my account, but just can't find any cash deposit machine. Feel so wierd carrying such a huge sum of money.

Although it still quite early, but I have a sudden urge to research on the path available after I graduated from Polytechnic. Seriously, I doubt the advanced standing offered by Temasek Polytechnic to the various universities isn't that great.

Better study for my test. ta ta

Got my journal done in the morning and handed up after my i Guide briefing. Wrote lots of crap.

Assigned as a roamer but ended up being in the welcoming party at the ramp. damn, I just hate all the cheerings, everyone of them are damn enthusiastic, what the hell, everyone walk past, keep saying hi and bye. total lameness. What can I do? Just join in lar!

Wanted to guide group, but this particular guy in the group is either (1) thought I am a welcoming party member (2) trying to be funny (3) life-less. He keep leading the group away and assigning them to roamer at the mushroom. I want to lead but he just keep bringing the groups away. Finally got a chance to escape from the ramp after the committee needs 2 roamers. There's this particular girl, always shouting i guide oi! wah liew, I want to die from all the ol-ing. And one of the cheers is so vulgar, involving the mother and father, and not to mention the private part of the males. It's totally against my moral vaule. one complain letter coming up.

After escaping from the ramp, finally got a chance to guide a group, consist of 2 uniform girls and 2 home clothes girls. It's not easy, they wanna visit school of applied science and later half of them want to go design while the other half want to go engineering. Bring them to the School of Applied Science and another i Guide approached me asking me whether is it possible to merge with his group of 2. oh well, fine. I trying to make myself wild, making them talk, but all of them are the nerd nerd one la. Just wanna find out more about the course.

Bring everyone of them to the school of business, they kinda amazed by Saffion, sigh, they are still young and naive.

If I gonna include all the details, I think you guys will drop dead listening to it. I will give the highlight of today.

Guided another group of 3, one is from VJC, woot. He's damn interested, passing remark on everything he see. Come here spoil market only, just like Ivan. zzz.

After the whole debrief, WE FINALLY GOT RELEASED AT 7.30. WOW. You know, if I didn't join this i guide, I will be happily studying at home, preparing for my tests. The debriefing sort of become a medium for them to release their stress. Everyone wanna have a chance to complain. Spent 1.5 hrs complaining, what the hell? "You know? the lecturer keep on demanding for more goodie bags? the business guides very rude! the IT guide very rude!" Hell, typical singaporean. One reason why you won't see me declaring myself as a singaporean overseas.

Took a cab home, can't be bother with the public transport which I will most likely be in time for supper when I reach home.

So many stuff to clear and there's still one more day. HOW CAN I FINISH MY REVISION??!!?